Bored With Your Relationship? Do This!
Every day with them feels the same as the last. You have nothing to say, and your sex life is nothing to write home about. Have you lost the spark?
First off, don’t fret. Relationship boredom happens to everyone.
Celebrities, jet pilots, porn stars, we all have periods in our relationships where it feels like we’ve fallen too far into the routine and things aren’t exciting anymore.
In some ways it’s a good sign. It means you’re connected and comfortable. You don’t need to spend all your time at amusement parks just to have fun, you can be content simply by being together.
On the flip side, it’s hardly a rollercoaster ride.
Here’s what happened–In the beginning it wasn’t boring because things were new and exciting. As you got to know each other, those butterflies faded as your comfort, security, and familiarity rose.
But remember how exciting this person was in the beginning. Have they really changed?
Boredom is just a lack of excitement and novelty.Relationships don’t stay exciting all on their own. Relationships are only interesting if you make them that way.
So what can you do to relight that spark?
First off, you need to focus on yourself. Relationships take two people and if you’re not both willing to put in work, it’s not going to work out long term, but for right now, the easiest way to spice things up starts with you.
1. Drop The Attitude
When things go stale, it’s easy to get wrapped up in resentment.
“My partner is boring”
“I’m not attracted to them anymore”
“They’re not making an effort”
“We’re no good together”
“I need someone new and exciting in my life.”
The truth is, you’re never going to convince your partner to be excited or exciting by nagging and complaining.
This isn’t like telling them to do the dishes or be nicer to your mother. Excitement is a fragile thing that can’t be faked.
2. Add Excitement
If you’re looking for a reason for your boredom, you’re not going to find one. That’s because boredom is the absence of excitement.
Inject some new activities into your life.
Think of hobbies that you’ve always wanted to try. Doing new things together means working together towards a common goal and changing how you interact. This will bust you out of the old routine.
Spicing up your sex life is another great way to bring back that spark. Send your partner some sexy text messages while they’re at work.
Suggest new positions or visit a sex shop together. Even if you feel silly, at the very least it’s going to be a funny story for you two to share.
3. Don’t Stop Dating
No, I’m not talking about seeing other people. Wrong kind of exciting. What I mean is, just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop dating each other.
Make time once a week to go out to dinner, walk through the park, or even just go for a drive.
If you’re having trouble making conversation, try an activity that doesn’t require you to talk. Go white water rafting, rock climbing, the sky’s the limit! Hey, what about skydiving?
Remember the feeling you had when you first got together? It seemed like you were the only two people in the world. Then real life got in the way. If you set aside this regular time for just the two of you, you can feel that way again.
4. Be The Person You’d Like To Date
Sometimes boredom comes from feeling like our partner is no longer making us feel special. It’s tough feeling like we’re being taken for granted.
The two common responses here are to lash out in anger or to bottle up our feelings.
Instead, treat your partner the way you’d like to be treated.
You wish they would dress nice? Lead by example! Put on your nicest outfit and get all dolled up at the next opportunity.
You wish they’d buy you flowers? Buy them flowers and send them to their work. It really is that simple to shake things up.
First, it feels as good to spoil your partner as it does to be spoiled. And second, if you up your game, they’re going to want to show you their appreciation by doing the same.
This is a great way to improve your relationship with positivity rather than negativity.
Take regular time to unplug and connect with your partner. If you’re making dinner together, leave your phones in the other room. They’ll be there when it’s over and you’ll have had some quality facetime.
Instead of watching TV, take a walk around the neighbourhood.
If you find you’re constantly talking about work, family, or other people, make a concerted effort to spend this time trying to learn more about your partner’s past, their interests, and the way they see the world.
We tend to feel like we know our partner so well that there’s nothing new to learn but if you ask unexpected questions, you’ll be surprised what comes out.
6. Talk It Out
If you’ve tried everything and it’s still not working, the time has come for a real conversation.
Trouble connecting, long silences, and lack of sex, can be symptoms of boredom but they can also be caused by the coldness that comes from a buildup of resentment.
Often we’re not even aware that we feel this way.
It’s a slow process. One day we’re happy, the next we feel angry, anxious, and sad about our relationship for seemingly no reason. This may be unavoidable but it can be fixed!
Sit down and take stock of your relationship. Look at what’s working and what isn’t.
Be honest with yourself about what you want that you’re not getting and what they’re doing that hurts you, even if it seems tiny and petty.
Now, put the list aside and talk to your partner. See what they’re going through that may be keeping you two apart. Ask them what you could be doing differently that would make them happy.
This conversation may or may not result in a breakthrough but the important thing is is to show them that you’re thinking about your relationship and how it can be better. Pretty soon, they will be too.