Dumped For “No Reason”? Here’s Why!
Everything seemed perfect. Then, all of a sudden, they come at you with those dreaded four words…
“We need to talk.”
Before you even know what hit you, your perfect relationship is over and you’re alone.
What happened? How did things go from one hundred to zero just like that?
It happens more often than you think. And I’ll tell you why.
This info is for you if you were ghosted after only a few dates OR if you were in a serious relationship that ended out of nowhere. If you were blindsided by a breakup and have no idea why they’re ending it, I might be able to shed some light on the issue.
This advice is not for those in denial. So think carefully.
There’s a chance you already know why it’s over even if they didn’t come right out and tell you.
If you cheated, if they have a complicated situation with an ex, or if they just got chosen for the Mars mission and they’re not allowed to date for fear of bringing STDs into deep space, then you don’t need this advice. You need to be honest with yourself.
If you truly have no idea, then I’m here for you. It sucks to be kicked to the curb and it’s even tougher when they don’t tell you why.
Whether you still hold out hope of working things out, you don’t want to repeat the same mistake, or you just want closure, it’s important to find out what went wrong.
But first let’s get one thing straight…
If you got dumped out of nowhere, everything was not perfect with your relationship.
There’s a good chance you did nothing wrong here but you need to accept that something about the relationship was not right, maybe long before they broke it off.
Why people end relationships for no reason
So let’s talk about why someone would end things without telling you why. If they’re unwilling to give you a reason for ending the relationship then it’s one of three things:
1. They’re bad at dealing with conflict
This pretty common. No matter how self-assured and confident this person may seem in most situations, they don’t deal with breakups well. Breaking up with someone is difficult and for most people. This kind of confrontation isn’t something that we have to deal with on a very regular basis so it’s common that someone would avoid it at all costs.
This is not to let them off the hook but it might explain why they might have decided to skip having a real conversation. They took the coward’s way out.
2. They have some kind of personal problem or secret
This brings us to another possibility. Sometimes if people have a problem or a secret that they’re not willing to share, they think the only option is to dump you to avoid having this conversation. You have to ask yourself, how well do I really know this person?
What do they do for a living? What is their middle name? Where did they grow up? If you can’t answer simple questions like this then they’re keeping things from you and that may have led to your sudden breakup.
Maybe they’re married, maybe they secretly live with their parents, or maybe they killed JFK.
Whatever it is, unfortunately they felt they couldn’t be straight with you because they don’t want to spill the beans. This is their problem, not yours. And do you really want to date someone who isn’t willing to share their whole life with you?
3. They’re afraid of what you might do if they were honest
This one might have more to do with you then it does with them. Are you someone with a pattern of extreme behavior? Mood swings? Anger? Violence?
If you have a reputation for getting mad and getting revenge, they may be afraid to face your wrath.
Or maybe you’re very sensitive. Look back on your time together. Is there some reason they might have gotten this indication?
Have you been known to burst into tears at the sight of the Queen’s corgis?
In this case, maybe they don’t want to hurt you by being honest about what was really bothering them in your relationship.
4. They met someone else
One of the most common reasons for this sort of breakup is that your partner met someone else.
This is a hard one to come back from. They don’t want to hurt you slash look like a douche bag so that’s why they’re hiding this reason from you. I don’t think I have to tell you that if they chose someone else over you, or cheated, it’s a bad sign for things moving forward.
Whatever their reason was, this person has hurt you and left you in the dark, but you’re still not ready to let things go.
Whether you think it’s worth giving it another chance, or you just want to find out what the hell happened so you can get closure, you need to take the next step.
How to Find Out Why They Ended It
So how can you find out why exactly they ended things?
This is where communication is key. I’m sure you’re angry, who wouldn’t be? But you need to be cautious and subtle here. If they broke up with you out of nowhere, chances are they’re scared.
This kind of person, no matter how confident and outgoing they may be in most situations, is like a baby deer when it comes to relationships. You don’t want to come at them head on and risk spooking them.
Now, you should probably be asking yourself if you really want to date a baby deer, but that’s your call. They are pretty cute.
First off, you need to get a dialogue going. Are you still talking at all? Will they return a text? If so, engage in some light conversation just so they know (or think) that you don’t have any plans to take them out like Bambi’s dad.
If you can get them talking, you can get them comfortable.
This is a conversation that’s easier to have in person if possible so they can’t suddenly stop responding or take a lot of time to craft some lie.
Finally, just flat out ask them what the deal is. “Why did you end things between us? I had no idea it was coming.” It seems basic but sometimes it is that simple. Now that you’ve had some time and distance they’re more likely to open up to you.
This is when it’s important to trust your gut. This person has been dishonest before. If they still can’t be straight with you then it’s time to break things off for good.
If you are able to get them to admit what went wrong, then you can deal with it. Either accept that it’s over or, if you’re both ready and willing, fix what was keeping you apart and move forward as a couple.
But be up front with them. Tell them that it hurt you that they couldn’t be honest with you. Tell them that it’s important, if you’re going to have a relationship, that they open up if something is bothering them.
If you decide to get back together, it can be easy to just let the breakup fade from your memory. Since this wasn’t one of those long drawn out breakups where you air all your dirty laundry, it might even feel like it never happened.
Don’t make the same mistake again. You don’t need to hold up a microscope to the relationship but do keep an eye on them for red flags.
Are they suddenly quiet with no explanation? Do they seem like they’re keeping secrets?
That said, if you are giving it another shot, ultimately you do have to try to let it go, eventually.
People do make mistakes and if you two are back together, they must have realized how stupid it was to break things off without telling you.