Why You Shouldn’t Get Back Together
Breakups, are they really the end? It can be tough to think of the person you once loved being gone from your life, forever.
All those happy memories, the life you built together, the amazing sex, are they really gone, just like that?
Should you get back together with your ex?
Let me be the bad guy. I’ve got nine reasons why you shouldn’t get back together.
First, you should know that breakups are like concussions. The more times they happen, the easier they happen and the more painful they are.
Pretty soon it’ll happen every time you bump into each other on the way to the bathroom.
So just make sure you’re certain before you give it another shot.
1. If you have to ask, you might regret it.
Ambivalence kills relationships.
Repairing a relationship after a breakup is a tricky thing. If you’re not convinced that it’s the right choice then you’re not going to be able to give it a fair shot.
Chances are things weren’t exactly sunshine and roses before the breakup. If you’re not head over heels with the idea of getting back together or if you have serious doubts about things going forward, you might be heading for a world of hurt.
2. You Broke Up For A reason
There’s some world out there where breakups are decided by lottery, spin the bottle, or thumb war.
Thankfully, we don’t live in that world. After some time apart, your breakup may feel like a mistake or an accident but it was a deliberate choice not made lightly.
Either you, your ex, or the two of you decided that this thing wasn’t worth continuing. Make sure that you have a good reason for overturning this decision.
3. Nothing Has Changed
Whatever you were doing last time may seem now to be much preferable to the lonely single life you now find yourself in.
They’d rub your back, bring you food, and be your witness so you could cheat on the test to get a fishing license.
But don’t forget what happened.
If nothing has changed since your breakup there’s no reason for it not to happen again.
There’s no reason for a breakup that won’t recur.
Cheating? Check. Boredom? Check. Beating you at chess? Check and mate.
If there hasn’t been a clear change in your relationship that will prevent your problems from happening again, they will happen again. You can count on that.
4. You just don’t want anyone else to have them.
This is one of the worst reasons to get back together in the world. And yet, it happens every day.
Come on, people! You can’t stay in a relationship with someone simply to avoid the pain of seeing them holding hands with some dude with a ponytail at the carnival one time.
It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to Ponytail Steve and he needs a win.
Breakups mean moving on. If trying to keep your ex from seeing anyone else is a serious motivator in getting back together you need to look at your priorities.
Consider instead locking them up in a tall tower. Just make sure you cut their hair at regular intervals.
5. You haven’t had a clean break
If you haven’t managed to properly be apart from this person it’s easy to end up right back where you started.
Cutting them out of your life may seem like a huge step and you feel like you can avoid getting hurt by taking it slow and weaning yourself off them bit by bit.
Well this is what happens. If you don’t cut things off completely then you can end up back in a relationship out of habit without making a significant change or even considering what went wrong.
That’s a bad reason to get back together.
6. You don’t really miss them, you miss the idea of them
It may seem like something you’d read inside a fortune cookie but it’s true! We often turn the person who broke our heart (or whose heart we broke) into a symbol.
They represent a life of acceptance, happiness, comfort and love. This contrasts with our new life of freedom, loneliness, and fear.
Seeing them in this way means that whenever you’re having a hard time with the single life you’ll see them as a solution to this problem but that’s not really how it works.
Things will get better AND you can meet someone else if you decide that’s what you want. That is, unless you two are the last people on earth. In that case, maybe send them a text.
7. You weren’t compatible
Maybe you’re a little bit country, they’re a little bit rock and roll. Maybe you’re sporty and they’re a nerd.
Can it still work out? It is true that people don’t need to be similar to find love together but you know one true sign of incompatibility? Breaking up.
Like your bellybutton and the fake diamond stud you won at the state fair, you two couldn’t keep it together so how compatible could you be?
Sure this is something of a self-fulfilling prophecy but definitely something to think about going forward. No matter how happy you think you could be together, if you can’t stay together, you’re better off apart.
8. You’re on the rebound
You know how the rebound goes. You’ve been broken up for a couple weeks, you’re lonely, a little crazy, and you’ll hop into the sack with the first thing with a pulse that says your shirt looks cool.
Don’t let your ex be your rebound.
It’s tempting. They’re there.
They already know what you like in bed, and they’re the one that hurt you so who better to make you feel good again?
Careful there, Jack. Until you get over the breakup you can’t be sure that this feeling isn’t just a weird version of those rebound blues.
9. Those good memories aren’t gone
A lot of people are worried about breaking up because they think that it means it was all or nothing. Just because you broke up it doesn’t mean you wasted your time.
This comes from an old fashioned idea that people are supposed to meet one person, fall in love immediately and live together until you both die.
Even if marriage is your goal, relationships can end and still be valuable.
Your ex had some hand in changing your life for the better. They taught you new things. They provided stability and comfort and excitement.
They proved that you are able to love and be loved by someone like them, someone you have a strong connection with.
This means that you can do it again.
These memories are not worthless just because you broke up. You should cherish them regardless.
What’s sure to taint those memories more than a breakup is dragging out the worst part of your relationship into a period of months or years of off again on again bullshit.
These may be disheartening but please take them with a grain of salt.
I’m not saying getting back together is never a good option! I make it my business to help people get back together.
I’m saying that you need to make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
So consider each of these reasons before you decide if you should or shouldn’t try to make things work with your ex.
If you decide that you are going to try anyway, then I wish you luck. You must have found someone truly special.